A few weeks ago I was working with a local business here in Colorado Springs. My dealings with them in the past have been very pleasant and equally beneficial to us both. They provide me with a service and/or product, and I provide with money for that task. In other words, we were conducting business.
During our course of business myself and an employee of this business, whom I have had pleasant interactions with in the past, had a disagreement. When he was explaining to me why he was unable to supply to me what appeared to be a simple request, his voice began to become louder. Raising your voice does not make your point clearer, it only makes your point, which now appears to be a stupid one, a loud and stupid one. As he continued to make his case very loudly, I said to him that a statement he made was an idiotic one. That phrase raised his temper "Don't call me an idiot". My replay was something to the effect of "I didn't call you an idiot. I said you made an idiotic statement." Seeing how this was no longer a conversation and has now become a confrontation, I had to ask myself "Do you stay involved in this argument and allow it to possibly escalate? OR, do you end this conversation which has now far surpassed the level of conversation." Using wisdom, I ended the conversation.
Recently, I ran into this individual. I could see his discomfort as he approached me. "Hi Isaac. If you have a minute I want to apologize for what happened between us. I should not of allowed my emotions to get into our conversation" he said. "I have been thinking about our argument since it happened. I was very unprofessional and I apologize. I hope that my actions didn't contribute to you having a bad day or days since then."
That was a nice gesture. Now try to understand my reply. He said he has been thinking about our argument since then and he hopes that he didn’t contribute to me having a bad day or days since then. That was a nice gesture. Now understand my reply.
I looked him in his eyes and said this with no malice. "Thank you, but understand something. I do not allow temporary people in my life to take permanent residence in my life. Nothing against you, but I have not thought of you or our argument since that day. To give it more thought means that I give you value in my life. You work for a company that I conduct business with, you are not a friend, you are their employee." (I did not say any of this in a mean way.)
He said “Wow", pausing for a moment, then he continued "I never looked at things that way “.
I continued “With age I have learned not to give people who do not have a place in my life, a license to take a residence in my life. In my circle, they are not that important.” I could see that he was a little confused about my statement.
Although confused he said thank you and that he hopes that I do not hold our disagreement against the company whom he works for. My reply was a short one "I am not one who confuses a person with an entity. Your company supplies a service and product. I can utilize your services and products and not personally like you. Your products and services benefits me and those associated with me. A friendship with you does neither." He looked at me as if he was trying to understand. "Mr. X, for me to have given you further thought or consideration since that day would mean that I am granting you permission to dictate how I feel and to rob me of my joy. Why would I do that? You are not a friend. We have an agreement, I pay your company X amount of money for what you provide. My expectations of you and them ends there. I don't need to like you to do business with you." With that he finally understood, nodded his head, and shook my hand.
Some of you will read this and find it mean. You may even think "How could someone say something like that?" Please remember, what I said was not meant to be mean and was not said in any harsh tone. I was simply making a point and hoping he will see the point, learn, and grow from it.
What is the point?
Stop granting permission for temporary people in your life to occupy a permanent space in your mind which then dictates and controls your emotions and actions.
We sometimes seem to care too deeply about things that truly, even in its best intention, has no lasting positive contribution to who we are, what we do, how we belief, or how we live. I guess to put it simply, let some things go.
There is an old story "A monkey had learned to reach into a hole to pull out the food he wanted to eat. Time and time again his hand would reach inside. He would find the food and pull it out. One day, with his hand in the hole, he found a large piece of food. He pulled and pulled in his attempt to get this large object out the hole. Try as he may, it just would not come out. Feeling the hunger, he continued to pull and struggle to get this food free. Eventually, the monkey died of starvation." Instead of letting go at the very onset and then looking elsewhere. He decided to stay, struggle, fight, and ignore the reality in front of his face. While still having energy, he could of let go and simply moved on. Some of us need to stop being as the monkey and simply "Let It Go".